well this is interesting...

i got this from : http://www.goldinuniverse.com

Name: Sara
Date: 2/28/2009
Colorgenics Number: 40352167


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Life for some time now has been somewhat depressing and you feel 'under the weather'. You are looking for a means by which you can escape from all the pressures of everyday life. But you must remember that the 'Past does not equal 'Tomorrow'. You are seeking a way to escape from all the trials and tribulations that oppress you at this time, but at least you haven't given up - if one pattern of behaviour doesn't seem to work then you'll change it for another.

You enjoy taking part in anything that may constitute fun and excitement. You need to be stimulated and need to feel that 'Life is worth living' and you are awaiting that stimulation and you don't particularly care where it comes from!

It's the old old story - I am misunderstood - my partner (be it in your private life or in business) just doesn't understand me and YOU also believe at this time that you are being completely MISUNDERSTOOD by one and all. It then obviously follows that you naturally feel inhibited and not appreciated. It is perhaps because of this belief that you feel compelled to stand back and let the rest of the world go by. As for developing a firm relationship - inwardly deep down in your subconscious mind you are wary of even trying to get close to another person because you feel that if you open up your heart and feelings you are sure to get hurt. Since you are living in a society where close relationships are the norm, you feel that there is that need to conform, but any close relationships of any magnitude that you may have tried in the past have unfortunately left you without any sense of emotional involvement.

Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

blisters

i'm feeling very fustrated right now.

It's a combination of a few things with dance being a large stress trigger. Auditions. As my fellow dancers know, this a HUGE audition season. There are dancers left and right fighting their way to make past all the cuts to have a chance at getting a contract. Sadly, many companies are laying off dancers and holding auditions as a means of collecting much needed money. Not only are dancers going to these auditions and paying money for the class,they are also getting cut after barre. This leaves them feeling fustrated AND down $15-25 WITHOUT even a full class.

That is the scenario i have playing in my head before i go to an audition. I was going to go to one in nyc on sat. , but decided not to because i know it will be a cattle call of people and i will spend money that i can't afford. I know that's not a good mindset, but with the way the economy is effecting the arts i feel like i just need to be more aware of what companies are hiring and ones that just need money.

I haven't given up completely on auditioning for companies. I feel a little discouraged with myself and the way things are. I talked to a friend earlier tonight in a similar position. She seems to have a more positive outlook than i do so it really helped to hear her speak about her 'plan of attack' into auditions. She is so motivated and makes connections that are valuable and help her to get to the people that will help you make your way. I wish i had the know how to do that more. It was good to speak with her and hear her advice. She is right. Sometimes it's the people you know and the impression you leave on them that can help you land a gig. It's nice to be able to talk to someone who knows excactly how you feel -your struggles and fustrations- about the dance world. I gotta get my butt out there and be seen, that's all there is to it! I need to make my mark, my connections, now!

"You know, you could stay forever, if you want to."

After my audition/interview on sat. (went well, i think) booba and i went to the mall to see the movie Coraline. It was wonderful! Creepy and dark, but very impressive and i would go see it again in a heartbeat. We didn't get to see it in 3d because the theater we were at didn't have the right projectors, but hopefully the second time we go it will be. I def. suggest you go see this movie if you enjoyed nightmare before christmas.

Tommorow is monday. That means a full day of rehearsals and teaching. Blah. Mondays are long and hard for me to get through sometimes. I'll survive. My feet are pretty busted right now. I wore some dead shoes friday and got nasty blood blisters on my little toes. They look gross. I'm just hoping it won't be too painful to get my shoes on tommorow. Alright i just feel like i'm getting tired and cranky and that just leads to more complaining haha. Don't you hate that? I'll wake up and read this and be like who's that debby downer?

I did have a lovely weekend. It was more of a flashback to my teenage years. I went to a movie in a theater filled with kids. A sweet 16 party for my neighbore. I saw a friend from middle school at a bar (first time seeing her since middle school) and today went to a highschool senior art show. It was strange indeed, but also reminded me of how much i enjoy being this age now. I would never want to go back to angsty teenage years. It's funny to see how they act- how awkward and uncomfortable. It's fun to be able to look back now and laugh at how young and silly you are at that age. In many ways i feel that i have grown to fit in this skin. I'm happy to be the person i am now and lucky to have the people i have around me.
have a great day everyone :)
and take care of yourself.
~Sara~

enough b.s

ok, i feel like i can finally write more about dance now and less b.s. We started sleeping beauty this week and signed our (short,5wk) contracts for the spring season. I'm excited to be doing a new ballet this season. Well, it is new to this group of company members at least. I'm casted as the golden vine fairy (yay!) peasant pas de trois, and little red riding hood with my chinese partner from nutcracker. I'm overall pleased with the roles.

golden vine fairy. dancer : Sarah McIlroy of : english national ballet

Rehearsals have been intense. We have three weeks before our opening show so our director is craming lots of choreography into our heads in one day. It's ok with me beacause i like moving quickly through sections and cleaning later. I started my variation today and it is FAST and challenging. I think this is really good for me right now and will kick my stamina up a bit!

I'm also still rehearsing for my audition on saturday. My body is really sore and not use to the contemporary/modern movements in this piece. I realized while running it today that i need to take more classes OTHER than ballet. When you constantly take ballet and have no other styles of movement it's hard to transition your body to another form. The guy i'm working with on the piece always has to remind me to RELAX and flow through the movement. I think i'm too focused on turnout and just making it too stiff in general. I blame ballet for that one! Tommorow when i run it i will focus on thinking of performing the piece underwater to give it more fluidity.

In general i feel back on track. I was feeling a little anxious before rehearsals started wondering how things were going to play out. I have more confidence now that things will be ok. I'm still saddened by what's happening with the economy and i can see the studios i teach at taking the hit. I thought i would be able to avoid it, but it's starting to have it's effect on me. I got a call yesterday from my director that things arent' going good for the studio and that i would have to take a pay cut along with the other teachers. It's just really sad and i hope we can pull ourselves out of this soon!! I feel for all those really struggling right now and my prayers go out to you all. When we think we have it bad, it could always be worse. I appreciate everything in my life and consider myself lucky!

On a random note, my vegaterian-ism(i'm think i just made that word up) is going strong still. I only planned on a week and here i am 4weeks later. I feel good. Healthy. I have been taking extra viatmins to make sure i do this safely. I don't know how people can be so careless and neglectful to your body. I don't get it. You have to live in this body for the rest of your life. Take care of it and what you put into it. You will feel the difference. Now go eat an apple!

~Sara~

the day of love

I had a wonderful day yesterday. I got beautiful roses and chocolate to start off my morning. Went good will shopping with booba and my mom and then had coffee at Panera Bread (love that place). Booba and i had Thai food at such a lovely little place in south philly later in the evening. It was perfect and the food was so yummy. I also got the ring that i have been wanting!!! I love it. We ended the evening with a delicious three philosopher beer at the Pope and then stopping my neighbores place where they were playing a drinking game to the movie 'showgirls' haha. I couldn't have wished for a more lovely day. <3 Oh, and on a side note, boobas show was a great success! He sold 3 pieces of art and had a great turnout.
I also made and brought cupcakes to the show,

my cupcakes!

cupcake yum.

Happy early Valentines!!!
No ballet today, no teaching, and an art gallery opening for my booba. Hope everyone is feeling the love!
Here are cupcakes that have inspired me to make some myself. If they turn out ok maybe i'll post pictures of mine. :)
Have a lovely day everyone. Be well. And EAT A CUPCAKE. <3









oh, and i can't leave out ms Betsey Johnson! i <3 these v-day dresses

Floating and falling

i found a site that really helped me out with my "block". Well, that and this warm spring like day. I feel refreshed!!! :)
(following information taken from http://www.recitalexpo.com/Putting%20The%20Moves%20On.htm)

See More Dance


Several contributors suggested that when we get stuck in our tracks we should look to our mentors. Who inspired us to love dance? Whom do we admire and want to emulate? What is it about watching our favorite choreographer that loosens those squeaky, creative wheels? Sometimes seeing the experts at work can stoke the fire and get us back on track.


Pay Attention to the World

The rhythms and sights of the world around us are ripe with ideas for the taking. Sometimes the stuff of dance is found not in the studio but in everyday life. Some people say it’s time to leave the dance world and start paying attention to the world around us.


Watch for Drains on the Creative Brain

Stress can be an enemy of creativity. The juices rarely flow when we still have to do the taxes, order the recital costumes, or deal with a pile of papers. Sometimes the simple act of cleaning up a workspace gives renewed energy to the creative process. Clutter and looming obligations rarely enhance creativity. Before beginning a new piece, attend to leftover projects and start on a new dance feeling unencumbered.


Learn Something New

In life, we alternate between periods of learning and periods of doing. Sometimes when we have been heavy on the “doing” end, it’s time to become a student again. Attending classes and workshops is an obvious way to renew, but it’s up to us to clear our schedules and make room for learning opportunities. Teachers need to be mindful of burnout and know when to refill the creative coffers.


Breathe and Take a Break

A choreographic dry spell every now and then is par for the course. Down time can be key in working through these periods. Stokes likes to look inward for inspiration. “I have found that giving myself time to be introspective is crucial,” she says. “I need time by myself; solitude can lead to thinking, which can lead to inspiration.”

just dance!

ugh. i'm suffering a case of choreography block and it's really bugging me. some days it just comes out of me and now i feel like i'm struggling to fill 4cts!! Ahhhh. It's just very fustrating when i have six dances i'm in the process of starting. How do you get yourself out of something like this and let the movement flow again instead of being forced???

on a positive note. i got an email back from a place i replyed to about a dance photo project. i made the first cut and they would like to see me for an interview and a 3min. piece of original choreography. I'm excited about that one and hope it turns out positive experience. It's just some extra money and getting to do what i love.

On a 'should i or shouldn't i' note. There are auditions this weekend in nyc for a some companies. Cattle calls. I'm debating going. I hate going cause there are so many people trying to get the same position. I hate NOT going cause then i have to deal with the 'what if' feelings. Those are the worst. I like at least trying and saying i did my best than just not trying at all.
oh well.
i'll see how i feel - physically and emotionaly.

so close to valentines day now :)
<@
~Sara~

smille and say cheeeeeeese

ok ok...i know. Valentine's day is cheesey, commercial, and way over done. "hallmark holiday" A little part of me still likes it. I've always liked it and not for the boy-girl-love-romance end of it. My mom always left me cute presents or bought be flowers on valentine's day. That's left me with positive associations with the holiday - i'm sorry 'hallmark day'. I just like the warmth of it and the idea of making cards and pink hearts. It makes me smile. Booba and i have our reservations set at a Thai food restuarant in south philly. It's a BYO and is affordable and cute. We debated even celebrating this year considering it's on a saturday (it's going to be crazy EVERYWHERE), but it gives us an excuse to go out and eat a good meal.

"you don't need a lover on valentine's day, you just need love."

On a more important note, i'm back to dance a little bit more steady this week. We still haven't heard when rehersals start, but i want to get my body in it's peak condition to what it was after nutcracker. Auditions should be starting soon!!

On a random note : i'm giving up meat for a week, well i have been since last Sunday. Why would i do a silly thing like that you ask? I just wanted to detox my body and see what the effect of not eating meat would have on my body. So far my skin looks awesome and glowy, and i have lots of energy. This isn't something i plan on pursuing forever I'm just giving it a shot for the heck of it. Plus, not eating meat is awesome for my wallet.

Philly got 8inches of snow last night. It was so pretty outside with the street lights highlighting the snow as it floated down to the streets and sidewalks. I love the silence that falls over an otherwise loud city when it snows tto. It's almost creepy but mostly calming.

alright enough random ranting.
american idol is on.

~Sara~